My roommate and I had a nyquil contest. The nyquil won.
i friday night watching house. god, i need a life, friends, and a legitimate fake id.
Im watching hello kitty on qvc debating if its a good idea to cook bagel bites on my space heater
my life is in even more shambles than last time, mcdonalds is closed
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I feel compelled to tell you that I woke up this morning and found an entire corn on the cob in my purse. Ive decided not to question my drunken behavior anymore, and to just accept it as my lifestyle.
a price tag just fell out of my vag. i guess its worth $13.99...
She just said she wanted to get freaky and left the room. I'm almost certain I just heard the microwave.
Well. I have your keys. You have my car. Looks like we have a drunkxican standoff.
I hate it when fuck holes buy me drinks at the bar. You don't know my order. You don't know me. You don't know where I've been. You don't know my life.
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I'm always drunk lately
Now I'm in a game of hide and seek in Sears
Your boyfriends underwear are hanging from my kitchen window. Where the fuck are you?!
I mean I only got hit in the ass with ONE firework
Forever getting my life back together in gas station bathrooms.
I had to say goodbye to one of my fuck buddies last night. He's voting for Trump, we shouldn't be doing it anyways.
So do I get points for screwing my recently single ex boyfriend and then telling him to go fight for his ex back?
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