my mother just offered to pay for my fake id.
i made sure i dropped the whole "im a yoga teacher" bomb which basically roofies a guys sense of judgement and guarantees he will sleep with me.
Dude, I found another chunk missing out of my tooth. Fuck drinking on tuesdays.
having to delete all your hookups stored in your phone as first name followed by frat/bar after they've graduated is such a bittersweet feeling
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I wasn't hungover this morning. My head just hurt because someone tried to suction cup a dildo to my forehead.
You better of fucked him last night or do it now because he is buying all the roommates McDonald's.
Dude how did you get resin on my keyboard?
Now if u will excuse me I have to go prep my vagina for this amazing sex filled weekend I'm about to encounter
I'd say you were a shitshow. Playing floating beer pong in the pool you kept filling other people's cups with pool water and laughing to yourself.
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Oh, fuck yeah. I swear I came with every bite. Not even joking. Messiest meal ever.
Wow, thanks for ruining pizza for me. I didn't think it was possible.
Well it ended with everyone taking a bite out of a raw potato and a girl crying because her boyfriend wouldn't bring her any grape juice. So yeah...I'd say the night was a success.
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
I may or may not have spiked my gatorade to get through a game of monopoly with these children.
you said you heard a baby, so i told you to go feed it. you came back 2 hours later with a pizza and when i asked you where the baby went you pointed to the pizza and puked.
Alcohol and video games. A solid Friday night. Even before covid
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