She looked kinda like Mario Batali?
no... you woke up naked next to the toilet because you said your outfit was too cute to throw up in
I think I just need to sleep with both of them to see which I want to date.
You just went from promiscuous to slut in 3.2 seconds.
the boy next to me on the plane handed me a shot glass, then a perkaset, and told me to have a good week off..hellllo spring break.
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I should never bitch about not getting laid. He's begging me to come over and I'm saying no because I'm watching a Golden Girls marathon.
He started telling people I was Stephen Hawking's son. When that didnt fly he switched to Tony Romo's cousin
you were wandering around the street for like an hour singing "nothing but socks on"..an original you wrote after the 12th shot i believe
Leaving ole miss girls house to go to the stripper girls house. Why did it take losing my job to start getting laid all the damn time?
Oh and an honorable mention for your father's porn collection. Things I'll never forget.
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"There should be some kind of award for sleeping with your ex 9 times in 3 days."
I can't believe you're forcing me to handle this hangover sober
How did you tell her we met?
I told her that we met at the sex shop down the street, I thought it would be the most reasonable explanation.
I just brought her a lipstick taser. So just remember that the next time you get smart with her
We smell like vodka and hangover
Everybody at Lexi's party found out I'm both a screamer and a moaner after he ate me out on the pool table downstairs. Just another sunday night in Alaska
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