my house keeper must think I'm a prostitute.
then I woke up and felt a boner that wasn't even mine. never taking 3am vodka again
I know. They started calling me The Incident. The hotel maids, that is.
I've got to stop making out with the guys and sharing drinks with you. I'm the reason we all get sick at the same time. Sorry.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You went down on Rachel in front me last night. Worst. Brother. Ever.
He autographed my vag. This fuck just got authentic.
I received a text promising me sex if I drove to Memphis this weekend. Too bad for my penis that we're watching zombie movies and playing cards.
If you've never yelled, "fuck you ray Lewis" in front of your 87 year old grandfather you haven't lived
Dear God, please let me get my period. And if this one is fiercer than usual I completely understand.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
the girl whose rug I peed on is here
burned my penis with a sauteed onion again.
just ran into my father at CVS while buying condoms...he winked at me. I really need to move out of this town.
I'm worried about us. We are almost 30 and we still drink jaeger bombs till we black out. Wait, no I'm not. I'm excited about us.
So, I woke up under a table with an alarm clock on my face, my hair in a bag of popcorn, and my phone charger wrapped around me.. what happened?
My lack of taco bell is hindering me from seeing the good part of that situation
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