I just masturbated at work. Does that make me a prostitute since i just technically got paid to have sex?
Segways are the fanny packs of transportation. Useful in some situations, but you always look like a tool when using one.
Don't go all Obama on me. George Bush this decision and just do it. Thinking's for the morning after
Day two of vacation and my first drink of the day is a plan b colada
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She has an album entitled "my photography", which consists of about 80 different pictures of a tractor that she took on her cell phone. I'm all for freedom of expression, but come on.
she is like cheap alcohol. you can only get so buzzed before you get sick.
After you bought Jesus' name tag off him at the Mexican restaurant you commenced to stumbling around the lobby showing anybody who would listen what would Jesus do.
Stop giving me tequila.
My boss just sent an employee on an hour long paid break to pick up weed for our 'staff meeting' tomorrow morning.
It's pathetic. My bed hasn't been this sexless since it was in bedmart.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We're going to work out tomorrow I guess but it usually consists of doing weights for 10 minutes, then saying fuck cardio and going to Taco Tuesday
I just stole a bunch of balloons from a birthday party and am giving one to each person at the bar.
What shade of lipstick clearly states, I'm only attending this wedding for the drugs and groomsmen?
wtf guys I thought we agreed on no more knives. So much for not destroying the house
THAT'S MY GIRL
KICKING BUT AND GETTING PEOPLE INTOXICATED
did you call me last night and say you were being kidnapped?
Randomize