I like how you formally end text interactions, just turn your phone off or don't respond you pervert
No, asshole. I'm not gay. But if I was I think I would do better than fucking Nick Lachey.
And then she said we stopped for a train and i tried crawling out the back window.. again, i dont remember this.
My last google search last night was 'vodka swimming pool'.
He is in the front yard trying to catch birds out of the air with a fishing net.
Theres a handprint of sauce on my frig, one streaked across my face, a trail of it to my bedroom and sauce all in my bed and i have no idea what the fuck i ate.
Good call on the strip club last night. Everytime i smell some flowery candle or air freshener I get transported back to having my face firmly planted in Riah and Desire's tits.
You're welcome.
Steve is gonna hang his bear rug on the wall because he doesn't trust us not to have sex on it...
At some point he mentioned fried rice and take out... I don't think we know how sexting works
I got his number because he was "impressed with how much I could handle"...I was chasing shots with Olive Garden breadsticks...
Weird, Jen didn't know mixers were solely for coloring purposes. Don't call me an alcoholic because you're uneducated
Taco Bell is giving high school kids free tacos STEAL YOUR BROTHER'S WALLET I'LL BRING THE WEED.
THERE HAS BEEN GRANDTHEFT IN THE HOUSE. SOMEONE STOLE THE BABYWIPES AND YOU NEED TO BUY MORE BEFORE WE LET YOU IN. oh and you have to take two shots before we'll let you in. with no chaser.
A guy in a chewbacca suit just came up to me and asked me to buy him weed.
Just do what I do and listen to your vagina. She’ll growl when she smells good dick
Randomize