First thing she said after sex was.. are you baptised by chance?
If you're on a tempurpedic mattress do you think you can feel if someone is jacking off right next to you?
Remind me tomorrow that I was taking shots of burnetts in the subway line while placing my order
Dude. I only took a 20 out the ATM last night. How do I have 83 ones?
You stole from the strippers again. I wish I was ninja like you
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm glad we're going to catch up. too bad it's over my vagina.
I totally just somersaulted to the bathroom to avoid moving out of my fetal position
I don't know if I should be concerned or impressed.
Just got a groupon for a segway rental: fireworks segway battle at my house. What say you?
Wow I didn't even consider the possibility of him having ED. I'm gaining so many life experiences from dating an older man
Bring one of those heart stabber things in case you go into shock. I'll jab you.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Stop touching yourself.
Wtf!?!?!?! Did you install a camera???
To drink from my fkask next to a cop car or to not drink from my flask next to a cop car
I don't know how it happened. All I did was tell her I was impressed by her presentation. Her nail marks on my back ain't going away anytime soon.
I never realized how weird our shower smells until I cracked a shower beer and had a familiar aroma to compare it to.
I just spent so much time grooming my landing strip and like, sex isn't even on the agenda tonight.
I just put my eye make up on in the bathroom of the bar.... I may be too comfortable here....
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