i found a beer bottle on top of the urinal, peed in it and put it back... if anyone gets drunk enough to fall for it they deserve it
If I had a motorized wheelchair, I'd just chase the squirrels on campus all day.
dude i woke up sitting indian style with my face on the ground and my hand in a bucket of ice.
I fell asleep to him stroking my ass calling it his precious.
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cracked out the beer snorkel again. that thing has a five for five record of getting me naked.
ALSO, bringing a stapler to the bar is a good idea
Today needs to die. The mail delivery guy watched me throw up in my yard while taking my chihuahua out in Christmas pajamas at noon. Low point in my life.
What part of "he tried to put his dick in my ear" did you not understand??
When / where did the additional couches appear?
Additional?
James brought one with him when he showed up. Theres still 2 outside and according to facebook, at least one more burned up.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Also I'm sorry for asking you to shave my vagina for me last night
I gave a handjob to the beat of uptown fuck last night
I finished OITNB and broke it off with my fuck buddy in the same day. It's going to be a rough week
It was a fun night. I made out with the door guy at the gay bar but he didn't speak english
There was no door guy at the bar
There's something empowering about being at dinner and sitting across the table from two men you've blown.
The viagra-rita was a sexual success and a furniture failure. He said it was the best cowgirl sex he’s ever had even with the broken couch
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