You don't get off work for this? I feel genuinely bad for you.
I'll have a beer when I get into the office. Yes, I hide beer in my work frige.
you thought that fire hydrant was a midget...you gave it a hug and asked for a lollipop.
after the first blizzard, i went out and bought a thirty and put it in a cooler and hid it out in the backyard. now the second blizzard has deposited 2 feet of snow on top of said cooler. there is a shovel and treasure map over here waiting for you
I think I'm going to inject the gummy vitamins with vodka
I'm glad you're using your medical degree for some good for once
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Most likely. calling 911 isnt usually something i do the first time i hang out w. someone, but hey. its a good story now.
Look at my fb. It says single. That's the gospel.
Seriously? A BAR is SPONSORING my 21... What did you do for your 21 again??
The pool of urine in the trash can signifies both a regretful yet successful night.
Your loyalty to the Redskins reminds me how no matter how much I disappoint you, you will still always be rooting for me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He's like a father figure to me, except we have casual drunk sex every now and then
OK BUT WHO THE FUCK FORGTS A LIVE CHICKEN IN MY HOUSE
You also spilled beer on my dog and tried to wipe it off with a paper towel but he kept getting away from you.
You kicked me our in the middle of a blizzard with a dead phone. I had to give my watch to a pizza delivery person to take me home. You owe me a gyro too.
She's in it for that fear factor ya'll. Obsession and stalking or nothing.
Bro, it was an EPIC night once again last night. I’m so sorry that you saw me naked.
Randomize