Just got to costco. Where are you?
Liquor aisle, bring another cart.
herpes texted me again. he says he wants my vagina.
ok we should really consider changing this guys nickname...
Went to use to bathroom and walked in on karaoke. Two girls singing "a whole new world" to each other in the shower. I'm gonna miss this place in the summer
I was just informed that you are the reason for my 2 missing front teeth.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i feel like im paying for every hangover i didnt experience last year as a freshman. thank you sophomore year.
We're like Siamese twins, but joined at the genitals.
Just replaced the batteries in my vibrator without turning on the lights. I need to get laid.
He's sitting in his room on Facebook with nothing but a pillow covering his crotch. I can't help you at the moment.
Also the McRib is back. Lets get high, dress like cowboys, and eat some McRibs.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I was sleeping pretty good until your cat pooped loudly. I dreamed that a full grown man was pooping on my ear. It startled me.
he sent me the greatest dick pic I've ever received.
he actually took the time to cut a fingertip off of a glove then put it on his dick like a beanie. he called it hipster dick.
I dapped up a cop while leaving the party
Never in my life did I think i would give a blow job in the bathroom of my old elementary school. Twice.
Wait... so you had sex and then your ear drum ruptured? I'm not sure if I want to ask if the two are related...
Last thing I remember at your house last night is your dad leaning on the beer pong table and saying "you guys can fucking party"
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