there are definitely too many half naked pictures of me out there for me to ever be famous.
I said ACK before Andy Samberg made it even remotely funny. That tool is stealing all my lines.
Yeah, you've definitely been jizzing in your pants years before he made it socially acceptable
She called me her ex's name in a supermarket. How boring am I that she livens up shopping by thinking of another guy?
Hey, 'thunder cock' as proud as I am for you getting laid, could you put a muzzle on her? I have to be up at 5, thanks.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It's great having no responsibilities. In normal life I would be freaking the fuck out right about now. But the only worry I have from last night is where i got this shower caddy full of cookies. God I love college.
Post-shopping-cart-scooter-jousting victory fuck?
I ordered a million chicken go wraps and they gave me five. Even when im drunk I can count to a million and know its not five. They fucked me.
While running home from the bar in high heels I multi- tasked and sexted with Brent. Jesus.
jen just told me ur idea of revenge was saluting while letting his bong float away while attached to some balloons.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
oh my god I have a fantastic druncle story to tell you. It involves a burrito, a meltdown and a bear
The burrito and meltdown are standard, but I'm intrigued by the bear
Like who turns down taking a nap inside of someone in 2014.
Like I could say no to two hot people already naked and fucking. Please. I'm not made of stone.
Twice?!
My room looks so cute. Who wouldn't want to hook up with me in here?
I feel like we'd have a lot of fun being drunk at a dog show.
Cheyanne in woods. Ducks attacked. My toe is bleeding. We are gpsing our way home on foot. No worries
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