i woke up today to a handjob from this really fat girl that keeps calling me michael phelps
God, you're like boner-b-gone
I was in the bathroom puking up mountains of tequila and when he came to help me, I held the door shut and kept yelling at him to let me be a lady.
Februarys looking very promising in the vaginal department
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm confused as to why I have a picture of your boobs in response to a photo of my father
Oh god iv'e slept with this police officer before oh god oh god
My vday gift was a joint bouquet, Finding Nemo on bluray, and a good shower fuck.
Um, WHAT A FUCKING KEEPER!
I'm gunna send you baby bottles of vodka for those nights when you just give up
I'd do them all but honestly I'm so high that I probably should have a chaperone.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I wish I could have a tequila IV with me all the time. Intravenous tequila intoxication.
The only joy I have here is being able to shit with the door open.
New rule: if you don't think racism exists, you don't get to put your penis inside me.
Dude, he paid us overtime to smoke weed out of a bong at his house
you could be the only one getting laid right now....yet your sitting in here making goat noises
honestly, you deserve someone taller anyways
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