i have the juiciest gold medal in my pants
Me liking this guy is the best diet ever. Do I want this cookie...or do I want to get laid.
I just found your credit card inside the bag of chips
Do you know a sam ****, im at the bar right now and lookin for some dirt on her to guilt trip her in to sex
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
the people going to church this morning while i was walking home did not seem as pleased as i was with how many beads i earned last night
You realize we can hear you jacking off in your room, right?
I like it rough
I lost control in the snow and hit a parked car. I went into our building to get a pen and paper to leave a note and when I came back the car was gone and there was a hot girl there. I used the pen and paper to get her number.
To drunk to make oatmeal. I'm pouring it into my mouth and gargling it with beer. Ive made maple brown sugar bud light
Put an egg in my coffee filter this morning. I think I am still drunk.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just want to dump glitter on my floor and roll in it like a cat in catnip.
I am at a new level of appreciation for drunk-you, who threw up into her own sweatshirt pocket last night in the car. Brava.
I had a dream that I got you so wet that you flooded my apartment
I wonder what dick looks like without astigmatism?
"fuck it, let's do moonshine" shouldn't be in ANYONE'S vocabulary.
Mike's letting gay guys do body shots off him again.
My boyfriend, ladies and gentlemen.
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