I swear my cock just shook it's head disapprovingly at me.
our drinking schedule never changed, we just drank at work.
She compared sex to doing dishes."You scrub them until they're wet."
super high. so of course there was a shoot out at the bank. there are 20 cop cars no lie. if i make it out of this i will never smoke again
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Every once in a while you'd chuckle to yourself, and when I asked you what's so funny u replied "sometimes my toes tickle eachother"
Bloody Mary Monday just took a turn for the worst... Just had a heart to heart talk with the cat about it's obsession with chewing on cardboard.... Time for a nap.
That's just weird. That doesn't make sense sexually at all. I mean, you might as well tape a pen to the tip and try and write your name while you're at it.
You kept yelling "NO CAPES" at me for no apparent reason
My uterus feels like it went 8 rounds with Mike Tyson. And that was only a quickie.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I had forgotten what new underwear feels like. It's as if angels descended from heaven for the sole purpose of supporting my junk.
I literally ate pizza on a toilet and made up reasons as to why you should make out with that boy. I am unstoppable.
The cat is stealing cigarettes and my vagina cures blindness. How's your night?
? I'm just sitting watching something borrowed alone, crying in my boxers , feel like I should probably do something
You’re welcome stay at my house. But, you gotta piss in the toilet
I got eaten out in the igloo at snow-kings castle last night.My thighs were literally melting ruts in the ice bench.Definitely colder than the minus 40 blowjob at Desiree's wedding
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