i wonder why nobody wants to date me...im doing a crossword at work and asked out loud: whats a 4 letter word for 'a reason to get married?'
i was like PREG?
THAT'LL be a good time.
and i don't know why my phone always capitalizes that word.
Let's roleplay tonight. I'll be drunken diva and you be sexy sober.
IF that's your way of making me dd then count me out.
Class is significantly more awkward when you know that your teacher knows what you look like with your legs behind your head... Just saying.
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Before I dignify that with an answer, let me get this straight. You're asking me if I wiped my ass on the towels?
Ladystoner tip: if eyes are bloodshot, lime green eyeliner makes them appear less red. its basic artt.
My brain is foggy with friends reruns and him licking hummus off my tits.
I needed to do something spontaneous, and since no one had coke this was the next best thing.
I JUST DEFLATED MY BOOB.
I DON'T KNOW WHETHER TO LAUGH OR CALL AN AMBULANCE.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just had that moment when you realize the two drunk women shoving all their money down your clothes were your middle school teachers...
Is it weird that i want a guy to ask me to homecoming by spelling it out in meatballs?
THATS VERY WEIRD
And anyway at least being paid in opium makes a cool story
Good, I would never sleep with your boyfriend , or send you an edible arangment
Probably going to live on vodka sodas and fireball shots
I'm currently watching porn and playing beer pong with wine in the lobby of a hotel with a squadron of hot airforce guys. You can never say your life is better than mine again
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