i keep telling myself in the mirror "get undrunk"
i was considerably less excited after they told me my present didnt have a penis
she is using a fork to eat popcorn and refuses to drink gatorade out of anything but a margarita glass... did i mention the popcorn is on a plate?
Manscaping on you would be like trying to clean up the oil spill with a dixie cup.
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Were taking tot shots. If toddlers could drink these are the size of shots they would take
oh yea it is. i was not expecting to look at a snowbank and just see flying mushrooms
We made a bong out of a plastic football. I can honestly say we make a good team.
I sold weed for gas money to get home. I thought that's what college was for.
we're going to the olympic park to run the 100m yeaaaahhh
it's 3am. Nothing could possibly go wrong here.
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Life isn't about who you kiss, drunk, at midnight. It's who you text nonsense to, sober, from the toilet.
I want to name my colorful bowl Batman. Why? I still have yet to figure it out. But I'm calling it Batman.
you really need to remember next time not to write your name and phone number on the paper its wrapped in.
But what if it got lost?
its illegal. you dont want people to contact you if they find it.
I lost my bar virginty and made out with a dwarf. It was a good night
the last thing is remember is that strange guy in the leotard...i woke up in my bed, naked, with a half eaten grilled cheese on my nightstand, a six pack in the fridge, a new pack of cigarettes on my pillow and coke in my purse. apparently i bought some drugs, shopped and cooked. typical.
Dude, I danced with Abe Lincoln! How could last night have been any better???
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