I just woke up in the back of his van. Bring me a sunkist.
What can i say im a girl who smells like weiners.
Its a three day weekend with Valentines day thrown in... Im obligated to get drunk
It's my birthday, I plan on masturbating and boating, maybe even masturbate on the boat.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You told him you were auditioning guys for your new show: "So You Think You Can Fuck."
Best pick-up line ever!
I hope to God 2011 is the year I stop loving tequila.
Waking up with a sore back because you put the team on it for jager pong all night
I have a gyno appt today. I hate it when the Army gets involved with my vagina.
All I really remember is thinking that the music looked like beautiful lizard waves in my head
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If our sexual relationship was relative to the Harry Potter series, I would have claimed the Wizard's Cup at least ten times.
What would you do if your asshole suddenly made the sound of a sheep duck baa/quacking the words kill me
You are so incredibly one of a kind, it's astounding
omg so there's this guy on the roof and he just stripped for no reason and now i think he's making out on the rooftop with some other guy? who are these people
Im going to seductively wisper "that butters my biscuit" in your ear
we had sex while we waited for the thai food... a which will come first type of situation
Good for you, kid with a beer in hand as you walk to your 11 am class.
I thought this was a dry campus.
That means you have to bring your own beer from home.
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