I woke up wearing no shirt sleeping next to a half-eaten grilled cheese.
Well did you call the grilled cheese yet? Or r u waiting the usual 3 days?
It's like a parade of train wrecks.
even iPhones love lady gaga. everytime I type haha it trys to correct it to gaga. this is bullshit...
i wanna anger bang this girl behind me at work. she never shuts up with her annoying voice. but her boobs are phenom.
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my step dad just called me a drunken slut..someone in my family finally understands me
That's why she's the girl with her life together and you're the girl with the penis drawn on your car.
Like fighting the continuous urge to sing Neil diamond "coming to America" kinda fucked up right now
I paused mid sex to tell him I wished I'd taken up barrel racing so I could ride better.
Just watched a drunk girl hand her valet ticket to a cop and walk away.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Guess who just got caught by mall security having sex in a car in the parking lot... at noon. This chick.
When I was leaving this morning he gave me some candy off his floor to prove he was a nice guy... He definitely knows the way to my heart. Best one night stand ever
Where's Taylor bro?
Never mind found him under the sink
Getting dressed and listening to the song Buffalo Bill danced to in Silence of the Lambs. I'm a perfect psych major.
im shaving my vagina and listening to frank sinatra, im coming over after
That awkward moment when you were so fucking drunk lastnight that you and your fuck buddy wake up wearing eachother's clothing covered in hot cheetos with his cat curled up between your heads meowing. Thought you'd appreciate this moment with me.
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