I told u I don't really remember everything lol i pretty much remember not lasting as long as I norm and that I wore a condom, I hate condoms
You know the commpass Jack Sparrow has? The one that just points at whatever you want? Thas pretty much my moral compass.
he was like a christmas ornament you would hang on the back of the tree....not great but still made the cut.
If we get out of this alive, I'm never going to a Denny's at 3 am again.
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Our dealer is pledging my frat. When he come to sell me weed I make him take out the garbage.
we already have meals planned for the weekend.
SEMEN IS NOT A MEAL.
do you remember the random banging on my door at 3 am wearing 2 budlight cases as a dress
she just called me the flavor packet to her ramen noodles. get me the fuck out of here.
Tell me again why I left before the topless cake fight
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I'm sorry I came to your house drunk and fed pizza to your dog.
I'm drunk in a place called Lick-A-Chick. PS. It's not a lesbian hot spot, they sell chicken.
So a guy died and our dates revived him with CPR. Good night?
Serio, who the fuck falls down coming offstage wearing nothing but pasties, a g-string, and a fake moustache, and now suddenly needs a tetanus shot. Me. That's who.
That's true because who the fuck doesn't love Harry Potter and beer
Drunk is not a location!
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