If i'm not hungover, near death, and wondering what i did the night before on Monday, life is not worth living.
i just opened a bottle of wine with my dads power tools
you grabbed his arm with one hand and the bottle of smirnoff with the other and headed off to your room you were on a mission
Okay. We're coming naked. We need Saran wrap and plastic forks.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
If I come back tomorrow to find a certain football player tied up and locked in your closet, shit's gonna get real.
I'll set him free tomorrow morning ;)
Two women at the Safeway just got out of their separate cars and kissed. One was driving an outback, the other a CRV. It was like a Honda and Subaru had a lesbian joint venture and filmed the commercial in front of me.
He's only done it missionary. His world is about to be rocked. Do you know what I look like from behind?
he had hair everywhere except his balls
Is there such thing as a tasteful dick pic? I think I just got one if they exist.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I've spent hours masturbating before. It's actually my favorite Sunday activity
I'm not the type to go to a guys house...in your case his boat...and sleep with them..I mean I have in the past but I'm trying to be more serious and grown up
Well, why would you bring gelado into a strip club?
So who has the penis shaped party tray? You or your mom?
Baby Shark came on during sex.
She has BABY SHARK on her sex playlist. Who does that?
Have you considered murder?
Other than my credit score and this bowl of oatmeal, not really. It's very messy
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