I got drunk and applied for two credit cards last night. About to find out if anyone in this world is still dumb enough to give me credit.
We left the bar, went to a sex shop, bought penis shotglasses, went back to the bar and insisted that the bartender used them.
Yo I tried to get u stoned for ur dreams by blowing weed smoke in ur face while u slept. Ur welcome.
you act like breakfast cereal isnt an entirely appropriate chaser
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
But don't worry I didn't actually get stitches, although according to the health center I probably should have
Would you even take no as an answer? I have a feeling you see it more as a challenge.
Alls I remember is making out with that chick.
Nope that was a dude
I knew I was in trouble when she kept referring to the next day as things we should do
So you brought her to my house and left her on my couch.
Yea not today, I ending up taking a shit behind a tree last night.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
This means I've slept with 2 ppl that live in vans...my life is complete
You should help rebuild my confidence with your dick. Altruism: Pass it on.
Sorry for all the snapchats, I wanted you to feel like u were in America getting plastered with me
I said his dick tasted like a Hawaiian Sweet Roll. And then I yelled MAHALO.
Life achievement unlocked: I just ate a Slim Jim "Lady and the Tramp" style with a guy in a bar.
All I ever wanted was my bed, Tylenol, and total darkness. Instead I had a pervert with porno posters who blares german rock calling me tootsie pop. How was your saturday night?
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