In honor of tonight, my penis will make an appearance
Blind date just said "Can't wait till I'm married so i can let myself go". There will be no second date.
Walk of shame was bad enough, but farting with each step as I walked past his roommates was just not cosmically fair.
We've done the math and the dogs tails are wagging at a rate of 3000 wags per hour. Stoned.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I have Retrograde Ejaculation as a side effect from one of my meds. Is this a respectable form of birth control?
Just did a walk of shame dressed as a cowgirl and walked past his ex's entire sorority. Yippee kye aye, motherfucker.
She tried to ditch the cab before she payed but she forgot to grab her shoes and wake me up
They ran through the sprinklers in front of campus police, shirtless. Singing "love is a battlefield"
Only sluts go out in this weather carpe diem boys
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Yea. Some girl set a laundry machine on fire. She's not getting married.
Stephen I'm in a lecture and the lecturer just said 'you can CHOOSE to put something in your mouth and swallow it" i'm the only one here who burst out laughing, this is awkward. Thought you'd appreciate it.
They'll never let you practice medicine.
At what point did you realize I was getting blown under the table during our dominos game?
We have a nice shopping list..vibrators and roller blades
Priorities
I round house kicked her emotions in the face
If history is any guide, his morals are no match for my tits
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