Happy Easter!!!
I'm an idiot
I swear to God, I saw my life flash between my legs.
i hope not, i just know that at one point I was sitting on the bathroom floor eating bugles and crying because i had no one to show that it looked like I had witch nails when i stuck them on the ends of all ofmy fingers.
my brother walked in while we were fucking, silently took my bong from my closet, saluted us and walked out.
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He had Jail Releases phone number programed into speed dial on his phone.
You are colorful like whore, yet adorable, like sad puppy. You need more drink.
For only eating leftover pizza for breakfast today, you sure do have a lot to vomit up...
You told the cop you where the star of the Track team and tried to run away. So yeah, i'm not surprised.
And I must've sleep walked to the fridge cause when I woke up, there I was, balls deep in a fudge pop.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He kept saying I needed to go to the hospital and it just made me want to call him a pussy so I went to bed
He used the term 'cock-staggering' in an email. So needless to say things are going pretty well.
Do you ever look at someone's Snapchat story and think ‘you told me you would eat my ass’?
When you didn't respond I figured you must be busy so I'm home in my pj's 2 beers in and stoned from weed I got from my gaybours. They also gave me cake. I'm not moving from this recliner.
Unless you count my weekly workout where I drink wine, listen to obscure/cheesy records, and pretend I'm a ballerina...no. I don't exercise.
at least he now gets to tell people how he once threw a party so epic that the next day they had to clean some girl's body paint off the ceiling
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