p.s. this guy just tipped me with ecstasy pills. is this real life
The girl I was getting head from just called my dick an anteater...I hate my parents for not cutting my cock tip off.
I asked a girl to buy her a drink, she had I have a boyfriend, so I said, well i have a goldfish, she said what? I replied, oh I'm sorry I thought we were talking about shit that doesnt matter.
just read twilight to her over the phone, while in the bathtub, candlelight...i'd love to say no homo but that was so gay.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just crushed a xanax into my chewing gum. Its gonna be a long, fucking up flight...
So the girl I hooked up with last night pretended to be from Comcast when my girlfriend stopped by this morning. She even made a fake appointment to check her internet. Best hookup ever.
I blew him and did charles barkley impressions at the same time. what a pro
You didn't even properly utilize my pigtails.
I would've hung out with you if I had the capacity to do anything besides fall over and pee on things
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dude random question. Where you with me when the vulture got electrocuted from the power lines and fell on the sidewalk in front of us?
I tried to smoke out of half a banana, and lit my nose hair on fire. So I feel like that sums up my life pretty well.
She wouldnt stop trying to stick her finger in my ass. I wish she wasnt so hot
My buddy just got straight up kicked out of the bar on my bday for water boarding people with beer and bar towels
Have I showed you the picture of my vagina with a little bang flag coming out of it?
I woke up with a bunch of jolly ranchers and an eight ball in my purse. Successful
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