Dude, the girl i fucked last night left wearing my high school musical shirt you bought me. she also left her panties here though.
The one with Zac Efrons face on it? You definitely got the short in of the stick. i'd rather have the shirt
fuck. yeah me too. i don't even think these panties would fit me
The guy i fucked last week got done first on the test in my 900 person class. If im pregnant at least it will be smart.
In times of desperation, never...NEVER put green apple scented hand sanitizer on your vagina.
I remember having the weirdest thoughts and thinking our room was a compass and we were in the compass or something.
WHAT THE FUCK JASON, WHY IS THERE A FREE BLOW JOBS BY LISA SIGN IN MY FRONT LAWN WITH MY PHONE NUMBER ON IT?! PEOPLE ARE PULLING INTO MY DRIVEWAY!
Wanna smoke some ancient weed I just found in a box of cake mix?
just because the DWI class is located at the University does not make him a professor. I was duped, he is in no way, shape or form a professor!
You're 31, how do you still outdrink all these college kids?
Practice, Irish genes, and a lack of desire to live past 40. But mostly practice.
I asked to see his balls for medical purposes.
I met a guy last night who bought me a book on Amazon at the bar and then we had sex. Boners for books is a thing. Boom.
I feel like we'd have a lot of fun being drunk at a dog show.
Dipping my sugar cookies in a glass of fireball and creme soda. This is holiday spirit
If my drunken penis pic is ever to be forgiven id like to start over with all that
Please tell your friend to stop shitting in my closet.
I will consider today a failure if my nipple isn't bitten at least 😂
Oh is THAT how we're gonna play mini golf
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