I realize that when i start making 24-themed music videos in my head to the song 'love is a battlefield' that i really need to get out more
I wonder how many times I can be hungover in one day
the general consensus of people in the room is that i should have another bottle of wine.
"people in the room" being me.
you asked the janitor if you could ride his floor cleaner.
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I just masturbated to a Jock Jams cd. What have you done today?
I told him that his face would look perfect between my legs. One of my most successful strategies yet.
Just ran into a client at a sex shop. The meeting tomorrow is going to be really awkward as we both try not to picture each other using vibrators or role play costumes.
Until they make a bed that bathes you in your sleep, I will not be satisfied.
I'm still high with raccoon eyeliner eyes and chocolate all over my face and chest, clutching a mug of wine. Happy graduation.
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I can't believe you didn't come out. There was a duckling ON THE BAR!
I'm so annoyed. We're about to buy groceries for the week and at this point I'm hoping to sustain myself on pure alcohol.
I haven't even sucked a boob is 6 weeks I hate not college
I'm hiding in my office refusing to turn the light on holding puke down stealing and shoveling down the meeting snacks and regretting my poor life choices. goldfish crackers are like crack to me right now. how is your day?
I got a 93 percent on my last mid term and I was drunk. Think of the possibilities if i were sober for the one thats tommorrow.
Somehow, walking in on your drunk mom in a diaper was the least traumatic thing I saw last night
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