if i'm ever as drunk as the girl in front of me... kill me.
he was writing an apology letter to his liver in shakespearean english... That much fun...
You were running around with scissors offering people free haircuts.
We walked in and they were fucking to Somewhere Over the Rainbow... I need a new roommate.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
that was you who tried to jump in front of my car in the monkey suit wasnt it
I AM OVERLY HIGH AND OVERLY AWARE OF MY TONGUE IN MY MOUTH
Whore. There is deli meat in my wallet.
I thought turtle was a code word for weed until he pulled out a baby turtle from his pocket and said "$20 for a turtle"
Highlight of the weekend: getting roundhouse kicked in the dick while switching from reverse cowgirl.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Ok because I want to set a new world record for how fast I can drink away my Christmas money
you can't get cum all over my hair and then tell me you just want to be friends
There were 7 of us cowering in the kitchen because you were swinging a giant, pink double headed dildo around like a nunchuk and hitting anyone who came near you with it.
my experiences serve only to benefit you young virgin
She just. Cock slapped me. With string cheese.
She shit herself again. We're calling her the "Queen of Sharts".
Randomize