im so horny i just used my electric toothbrush to masturbate. god help me
I feel like a panda just shit rainbows on my mind
If I had a penis I would totaly hang shit off it. Like stretched out peach rings and fruit rollups.
i can't believe you bought a jetta. you know that's a girl car, right? if i hadn't had sex with you, i'd have no other proof you're straight.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
youre totally missing out on eating your boogers right now. my entire face is numb
since we're both too lazy to go to each others house, you drink there, i'll drink here and we'll skype. it's the same thing.
guess who has a date tonight
look at you growing up, going on dates before she hops into bed
its the kind of pain that only someone with a fucking elephant on their head would understand. I'm never drinking again.
He got completely naked and is now just standee there next to my bed poking at my hamster. Why can't I get sex the normal way.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
im so proud of her that she got shit faced finally. This must be what it feels like to see you kids get their diploma or some shit.
Note to self, stop going out with self absorbed bisexuals
University has ruined us all. I just had to clarify the last time I had sex as "No, not at the party we crawled home from in the snow. It was the one where you puked off the balcony and hit the barbecue."
They flooded the bathroom and their version of cleaning it up was to throw our couch cushions on it. That's when I decided to chug tequila and go drunk bowling. So hitting the kid with my ball is really their fault.
You took photos of my underwear around London the day after! THAT was too soon.
Wow two curved penises in one weekend. I feel like this may be good luck. Like finding a four leaf clover
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