Who haven't you slept with?
No one comes to mind.
My girlfriend went down on me and as she did she hummed the theme from star wars and pretended my dick was a lightsaber...I'm buying the engagement ring tomorrow
Brickbreaker makes my post drinking poops that much better. Sorry, I had to tell someone who might agree.
but there are maragaritas for $3 so that was all i needed to hear
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Tell me the dirtiest joke you know
Sarah Palin
god, I love you
He's trying to kill me, one liver cell at a time. It's going to be a slow, but awesome death
So somehow I got from NYC to a suburban town in the middle of Jersey. At 4am. Thank god there are trains that can rectify my mistakes...
It's confirmed. We did xmas carol the grocery store across the street from his building at 2:30am... Only the staff was there.
My tits are coming out a minimum of ten times
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Now he's galloping around the bar. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
Just stole a goat. Bringing it to your house to cock block. Blame the goat not me.
I love that your last three texts to me were "Drunk." "Getting laid." "In the hospital."
Got head at the top of a water slide over-looking the valley while wearing a sombrero and drinking a corona. Epic.
Do you want to talk about dinosaurs?
Remember that gum I swallowed 3 days ago? I just threw it up.... whole.
Randomize