So my Christmas cards this year will be my mug shot with my kids face photo shopped next to me....too ghetto?
My Vagina smells like Nemo again.
I saw your arrest video on youtube. you look so thin!
I legitimately woke up with a girl trying to snort cocaine off my dick.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
At what point should i just give my brother a break and stop sleeping with his friends?
But he found my shoe...that at least deserves a handjob.
She's wearing her dead grandmother's pearl on the married finger so no guys "bother her" tonight... I am not THAT committed to Girl's Night.
I'm surprised, it's been so long you must be starving
At a certain point, the zombie-like hunger goes away. Then the sadness sets in. Then you start lying to yourself that you're taking some "me time." Then you remember you dodged chlamydia and Buddha knows what else. Then you're at peace with it.
I need to quit being a slut. It's to the point that I got my period today and automatically I Believe I Can Fly popped into my head.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just FYI, by the transitive property my breasts have now touched the Stanley Cup.
Last night was good. Things got bad when I found a sledge hammer.
Hung out near hay bales in sweaters then she gave me a pumpkin spice pop rocks bj. That was so freakin' seasonal.
I started carrying sissors in my purse to open plan B with. Both ashamed and proud.
First she snuck beer into the movies and then proceded to give me a handjob in the dark theatre. I think I'm in love
You ripped his router out of the wall and screamed "I have defeated the matrix"
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