not only did i climb through the window at 4 am but here i am 4 hours later for my interview at the mall and i'm staring in the dark pet store barking at puppies
Still at the library. i hate tax accounting so much that i've started calling it potions...
how come everytime i call mom shes doing tequila shots
Let's just cut to the chase. I'm not interested in anything romantic but I aAM interested in Tom Petty and maybe getting high and fucking you again for old times sake.
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and you will have a crown and it will be made of penises and all will bow before you and your glorious penis crown
You're just horny.
Yea, and? I appreciate you as a person too if that helps.
your cat followed me a mile away from your house. if it doesn't come back, i'm sorry, but I needed to get laid tonight.
Porn. Physics. Porn. Icecream. Porn. That's my life now.
These are all good points. But, I think your under estimating what it's like to be held upside down for a standing 69
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Drunk dialed the ex last nigh; turns out I miss dialed. The stranger who answered played along and apologized for sleeping with my cousin. She sent me a txt this morning to let me know.
Kindest stranger ever. Marry that girl.
so i EARNED it!?! i EARNED dying alone with cats!!?
Told the cab driver to take me to narnia last night. Turns out there's a bar called narnia on the south side of town. We are in business
We're going to brunch on Super Bowl Sunday. I am not a smart man.
I have alotted at least an hour for ugly crying.
I snuck in through the doggy door to get his vodka. Do you think my ex will know?
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