I'm too stoned for this. I'm Canadian.
I'm going to rape someone's good day.
My friend's 9-year-old son just informed me that for a cop station, you can't use a shotgun; you have to use a machine gun. Thank you, Grand Theft Auto, for single-handedly corrupting our youth.
I watched the entire movie Forgetting Sarah Marshall before I realized it was in Spanish.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i study at coffee shops because all these damn artsy people motivate me to work towards a real job.
I just saw a fat chick walking across campus talking to herself and licking her lips. Diet season is scary.
She looks makes a Zellweger face when she cums, she's keeps asking why I call her renee
mom just told me i had to find a fake by next wednesday.
she played "i just wanna get married" by jagged edge while we were having sex. why cant i avoid stage 5 clingers
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dude, you bit through my nipple. Give it a week, damn.
Obviously a higher power wants us to be sunday drunk together
I've never felt more disgusting in my life. And I'm including the time I snuggled that homeless woman in the puddle of my whiskey vomit.
TONGUES ARE JUST MEAT TENTACLES IN OUR MOUTHS OMG
HOW ABOUT I DON'T WAKE UP TO THESE TYPES OF TEXTS
Lmfao I'm not trying to have a pissing contest over acid with my mom.....
You're dating a nurse! That's smart, you never know when you'll have a medical emergency. Probably liver failure.
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