if i were to get pulled over right now, the only thing i would be guilty of is listening to 90's Mariah Carey
Fucking Canada. At least when they wake up tomorrow they're still in Canada
His glasses broke on the way to the bar aNd he ended up talking to this butterface all night. I didn't have the heart to tell him
You need to take one for the team and go bang a random sample of mexicans. Cause my internets broke and I can't google mexican foreskin stats.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The slutty girl scout law, revised for halloween 10: on my honor i will try, to serve my vagina and my shot glass. To hold back friends hair at all voming moments and to live by the sluttly girl scout law.
You're my spirit guide. This has to do with oatmeal cream pies.
i woke up next to a ladle and a packet of chocolate biscuits that my face had melted into one giant biscuit.
At what point during this road trip should I let them know I've been drinking in the backseat the whole time and can't take my turn driving?
He walked straight into the wall, said "excuse me ma'am" and continued back to his dorm room.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You kept sacrificing me last night. You would just yell out "Virgin Sacrifice!!" and then throw me into a circle of men.
whoa whoa whoa, you're saying I shouldn't post pics of you balls deep in a southern hottie?
I think I had sex with a seagull last night. The window is open and there a feathers everywhere.
SHE POOPED THE CONDOM WHOLE
Everytime I come home this stoned I masturbate in the shower for that long, its like my lonely ritual. Accept me.
Oh god I just had an orgasim riding my bike. I need to get laid pronto.
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