How do I say to her "Have you eaten mango lately because my penis had an allergic reaction"
no you're not listening to me HE WANTED TO BRAID MY HAIR
So I have the hangover from hell, spent all night puking, and there's a septic tank truck parked outside the house literally pumping shit. You win God.
He had a beer bottle in each of his back pockets and was on rollerblades. All I remember is following him for about 10 minutes
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i watched you ride a mechanical penis. nothing is awkward between us anymore.
He made me leave when I challenged "all you bitches" to a game of strip taboo.
For future reference "I'm too drunk to come today" is an acceptable line to get out of work. I love my job
Woke up fully clothed in bed sleeping on my purse.....we're back!!!
Well you know it's going to be an interesting night when the bathroom attendant is doing hail marrys
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think it's god's punishment for my behavior in Vegas . Lies were told. Angels were defiled. Pools were pissed in
That hot guy i showed you guessed my exact bra size. I want to have his tan babies.
I found them. Thank God. Now I'm gonna have to take a Xanax for the panic attack I almost had trying to find my Xanax.
Ordained minister or not I hereby renounce all moral responsibility for any and all related occurrences
336: Dude I lost my.phone Wednesday night at a party and just found it, three days later, on the lacrosse field....what the actual fuck.
I took a picture of you last night while you were drunk, trying to smoke a bowl through your nose. It's now your contact id.
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