grandma shit on top of the toilet
When your really high you cant order into a clowns mouth
im guessing your the one that tried to make bacon in the toaster
You told me that you only walk into walls because it makes the room stop spinning.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
and then you seriously asked him to senior prom..which freaked him out since you told him earlier you were 22
Ya, because touching his brother's face for 20 minutes in front of him wasn't bad enough, I also threw up in his garden and stole like 10 of his shirts before I left. But I fed his dog, so it's okay.
She was so morning drunk she asked the lady at brueggers for a bandaid and my self respect back
You are number one in my heart. But in the dick Olympics you're disqualified.
Well he just said "there's glass on the floor and it's okay I'm only bleeding out of my esophagus" so yes he's tripping
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
That does it. We're drinking til we're pirates.
I was alternating between saying "yall need Jesus" and "God bless" the entire night
drunk and crying about Shakespeare- how's your night?
I passed out in my bed, but woke up on the dog bed,with no pants, snuggling with toilet paper and a bottle of softsoap. Ive hit a new low.
eating a weed cupcake with nutella on top at work. i AM a star!
we started drinking at 4pm, somehows its 1 am im in bathing suit running from the cops.....any explanation of what happened?
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