I just drove by a church. On the sign out front was written 'crocodile cock'. On both sides.
he put a lighter in my cleavage and said "you're like another pocket!"
You kept trying to hail an ambulance
They just came out of my bathroom and asked if I could spare them a condom. See. Its a good thing I have some.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Went to 3 separate liquor stores today and I just made a huge tray of jello shots. This will be the Thanksgiving that puts all the others to shame.
Hey. I thought you were saving your 80s playlist til marriage.
im not sure what exactly happened but i may need help faking my own death
My class coordinator for bio told us that the only thing we should do the night before an exam is to get laid. And then party down after the exam. I like him.
I found three vicadin and a pint of fireball with the note. In case of emergency drink me under their sink.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think its awesome that i just got you to cheer for sex
Well sex is awesome. Sex deserves cheers.
I need to sanitize my soul.
She told me having sex was our civic duty. How can I not love her?
What do you mean? Just eat his food and have sex with him. Unless you want a relationship, then just eat his food.
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like picking cocaine boogers out of your nose at your parents house.
aloe plants are like gummy bears with an exoskeleton, but with healing powers instead of deliciousness.
are you on the drugs???
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