Ryan Reynolds porn could be a WMD. Have a giant TV on the front of your tank, and just drive around playing it. Everyone dies of orgasm overload.
That's it. Iraq is done. Everyone dies, game over man.
Also how the fuck did i get like 30 brown napkins
Found a bar with a washer and dryer and they serve food. I never have to leave
ohhh no, absolutely not. i am waaayyy too superstitious to have sex with the self-proclaimed "baby-maker" on father's day...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
well judging by the amount of dired blood around my nipple rings i'm gonna assume it was a good night
Apparently it's poor taste to ask for a break up blow job...in McDonald's. Also, that's not the best way to break the news either.
sooo... you have no idea who nailed their tubesocks to my wall?
Plans for halloween need to outrank Caesar, Cleopatra and Mark Antony's threesome...just saying
i dont trust my judgment anymore so im only going to fuck guys who can donate blood at the red cross. they have standards.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I am self-sufficient. I puked in a wine glass and emptied it in the trash. Points for style and neatness
At 4 am, making my walk of shame, the hotel security followed me to my car with his flashlight shined directly on me. I felt like either a criminal or like I was about to get raped. Can't a girl sneak out of a hotel room without an actual spotlight on her?!?!?!
There was a reason God said "Let there be titties" on the Fifth Day.
Been in bed for 16 hours. Haven't eaten in 18 hours. Haven't pissed in almost 20 hours. Fuck you Stacey and your former reign as laziest bitch. I got the title now.
He sent me a selfie with his cat. He has found a way to my heart. And pants.
I don't think I've ever had this many people offer me blow before. 3 o'clock on a Thursday. I keep good company.
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