My sheets at my parents place are clean. No braveheart but I can paint myself, yell "freedom", and sword fight you with my cock. So come over.
my text book just quoted the cookie monster
you made your own hammock out of a towel and duct tape.
I've banged too many servicemen's wives to still be considered an American.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i found two dead squirrels on my front step this morning.. do you think they have something to do with my missing phone?
if there weren't so many witnesses I 100% wouldve punted that squirrel
there's no excuse to just assume your pants won't be coming off for some reason or another. that's just irresponsible
The last thing I remember is feeding country fried steak to my best friend in a bubble bath with my bare hands.
Dad's already had 6 Zionist conspiracy rants and moms trying to detect any "dark energies" in my soul. You have 4 days before you return to this shit: ENJOY THEM
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
No just a slight sexual miscommunication which led to a little (lot) vomiting by one party and a bruised sternum on the other party involved.
I can't even make a guess how that goes.
Yeah. I woke up in an awkward three way spoon with him and his sister. Tequila!
i mostly like you because you have a nice nose and that's an important trait to pass on to my future children
Hypothetically speaking of course, is it bad if a cat eats lube?
Im so fucked up I'm drinking baileys and coffee just to stay awake.
It's 6 in the afternoon?
My boss couldn’t find her phone so she asked me to call it and when I found it the screen said Fuck Toy was calling. I’m very much okay with this
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