i am watching brooke knows best right now and hulk is totally dating his daughter's look a like. it is gross and disturbing.
the most pressuring question is, why are you watching brooke knows best?.
I asked a girl to buy her a drink, she had I have a boyfriend, so I said, well i have a goldfish, she said what? I replied, oh I'm sorry I thought we were talking about shit that doesnt matter.
I had another sleeping on concrete incident.
Been at work for four hours and just discovered the chairs in my office double as a napping surface. Most productive thing I've done all day
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She wasn't to happy when she went to put her shirt on and it was covered in cum I just looked at her and said collateral damage....
Actually, considering the facts that I am wearing a duct tape dress and eating a gas station quesadilla, I am pretty good.
good news: I made it out of bed and into shower. Bad news: I made it back to bed without clothes. Worse news: I don't know this bed.
It was over as soon as he asked if he could name my vagina pancake.
I piss off the neighbors just so I can have someone to compete with.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I don't think I'm allowed to have Burger King. What if i just chew for taste and not actually consume. Like a wine connoisseur for fast food
You know what id love more than anything right now? ..a back rub while eating biscuits and gravy
I asked her if she could eat some Doritos so when we made out it would taste awesome
lost my vibrator and now I have to masturbate manually. The struggle is fucking real.
I got the beer and the first aid kit. You get the tequila and burn cream. We should be set for the camping trip.
After we had sex he gave me a thumbs up... fucking A&M Aggies, man
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