Tonight I think I'm going to go out with a french braid so I don't wake up with puke hair. Thoughts?
And your mom thought you weren't even thinking about your future... she would be proud
So I'm at planned parenthood and there are 5 people here from Friday's party.
I need to write the inventor of adderall a thank you note stapled to a copy of my degree
the can pyramid on my head actually reached a decent height before I moved.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you literally pushed me forward in the seat so you could puke behind my back without the cabbie noticing..
Caught in the act of lying. Lipstick literally all over his dick. He tried to make some story about darkwing duck or some shit but failed to realize he is a complete moron.
This is America. Deny every slut accusation or own up to it
She was blowing me when her roommate came in and goes "you want me to tap in?"
You realize once your inheritance is finalized this shit will stop happening right?
She said she had a surprise for me and sent me a video of her having sex with some fat dude. It was a mood killer
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dude we smoked with a bunch of random stoners in a forest, then group hugged. It was the most magical thing we've ever done.
I'm daydrinking whiskey in a princess hat
Whatcha doing tonight? Reply TURNUP if you are drinking, or STOP to cancel messages
I can appreciate that you picked up the hot drummer, but don’t have sex in front of my house lmao
My ex's sister asked me to be her date to Thanksgiving. Should I go?
Threesome!
Anyone who does not know who Paul McCartney is does NOT get to put hands in my pants
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