I just had the fat girl at the party come tell me I look sad and offer me a beer. I'm out.
did that guy on the oscars really just tell me to text a dolphin?
Dude. My sister is off limits. Touch her again and I'll rip off your dick and force feed it to you.
I accept this challenge.
the most drunk i have ever been? possibly. the most drunk i have ever been on a monday? definently.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He literally had a note from his doctor saying he wasn't allowed to finger me for a week
Wheres my essay?
You mean the vodka drenched shreds of paper taped all over the walls of the hallway?
as soon as I stop standing here with one leg up on my bathroom counter admiring my balls, I'm going to go tan. and then you may come over.
And really all I wanted was to be like "hey can I borrow your dick for a few hours this weekend?"
BECAUSE THIS IS AMERICA AND DONUTS AND TITTIES AND ALCOHOL IS WHAT THIS COUNTRY WAS FOUNDED ON
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
How do you respond to a booty call from yesterday?
I went through my entire iTunes library and made a playlist called "Feelings". I have 7.5 hours of feelings.
I was giving him a blowjob but we had to stop because he started crying when his cat walked in and started staring at us
I mean, I already hooked up with her boyfriend. The least I can do is accept her facebook friend request.
you blew the guy with all the harry potter paraphanelia didn't you
My last Google search was 'can an impotent man have sex'. I don't even want to know what I did with that guy.
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