u downloaded tardy 4 the party
then u started screaming about not wanting nene on the record
He walked in AS I was cumming. Now even my father knows I'm a squirter.
My vagina has become a graveyard for my brother's friendships...
So instead of getting the if-you-hurt-my-little-girl-youre-dead talk, i got the alcohol-is-our-friend talk, i like her dad already
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm making celebratory pizza rolls. They're a lot like regular pizza rolls, but without the taste of shame.
Our Icelandic basketball player brought cocaine and rachael is screaming that he should do lines off her stomach. It's that kind of party
I kept calling him escargot instead of Estaban..I don't think that was the wisest choice.
How do I explain the handcuffs and tanning goggles on our living room floor? There's rope too. The cats love the rope.
Please stop using me as a reference for bail bondsmen.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Can you help me get ready before work? I need a look that says I'm-happy-to-help-but-I'm-hungover-so-leave-your-attitude-at-the-door-because-I'm-not-taking-anyone's-shit-today.
Hey, I think I showed you a picture of my nephew while we were fucking last night. Sorry, I know it's weird, I just really love that kid. Again, sorry.
I have a bandage in my ass crack. In. My. Ass. Crack.
It's the Ides of March, motherfucker. That means we're supposed to daydrink, right?
it doesn't matter what you do now, you will forever be known as the girl who fell off the roof
nooooo! we need to brain storm. I need rebranding....what if I start always showing up with my cat or a wacky hat?
try again roofio
My mom is dancing slutty on the bar I need more drinks to be ok with this
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