i feel like my life has become an afroman song and idk whether i should be sad about that or not
Just saw a squirrel crossing the road in a crosswalk..my morning has improved exponentially.
Totally just asked Dad if I needed to show the real estate guy my tits so he would let us buy the house. I've really got to work on that filtering thing.
We shoved chex mix between her tits for her own survival.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He told her, Don't talk. Just sit there so I can imagine that you have the kind of personality I wish you had.
someone just laughed at me while i'm laying on the floor waiting for the bus. like they've never been hungover.
What is an appropriate "thanks for saving my life" gift? I don't have any experience with this.
The good thing about having holes in your nose from all the drugs you do is that you can't smell nasty things. Like puke.
Small children cheering my name. I am not a decent enough human being to feel comfortable with this.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Strike three, the fat brides maid they call shit puker also has herpes.
I don't think ill be here long the chick I came to see is blowing rails with a drag queen
He put his hand in my cleavage. NOT ON. IN. BETWEEN. NO more gingers
I told you, I'm taking a sledgehammer to your walls. Fuck your walls.
I'm Batman.
You don't know the true meaning of fear until your girlfriend's niece insists on sitting on your lap with 20 mg of Viagra coursing through your veins.
Just shaved my balls on a moving train. By far the most dangerous stunt I've ever pulled
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