I woke up this morning with I hate myself feeling
First rule of pills: If you can't remember what it is, take half.
i totally forgot about the coupon that said i would show him how i pleasure myself.
god is playing jersey shore on new years on purpose. he wants me to play drinking games and die. i wish he knew how serious this is.
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He had a seizure when i was giving him head. for a second i was thinking i was doing a spectacular job
After grabbing my boob for a couple minutes he then decides to ask me if I was awake.
Hey thanks again for rolling me that blunt necklace. It was amazing.
It's like being the dunk pilot of a plane full of pornstars and drunkenness.
Truth be told I was googling "why is my left calf bigger than my right calf", porn would've been a better excuse for a virus.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You expect me to find someone in two days who I feel comfortable enough with to ask them to get drunk and go play in foam with me?
Its Nebraska, I'm sure im not the first person to wake up hungover in a corn field.
You came into my room and started rubbing a banana on your face.
I do remember that in my dream I wasn't impressed with his dick.
when you shit yourself on the way to school its time to give up and go home
like sometimes I wish I was allergic to latex so I wouldn't have sex with so many people..
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