you had "tips for anal sex" in your google search history this morning. how was your sunday night?
Well on the bright side, I only need a sophomore to complete the fuck-a-guy-from-every-year-challenge.
If you feel like laying around and watching a movie, that's where I'll be for the next several hours not moving, blaming others, and generally feeling sorry for myself.
She's like a connoisseur of porn. Her collection has things in it I never even knew existed. She even has an Italian batman porno. Where has she been all my life?
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It feels like my uterus is trying to crawl out of my ass wearing cleats. And yourself?
he made a bon jovi sex playlist and started crying when "i'll be there" came on... how was your night?
I can tell right now that knowing you will either be really fun or ruin my life
The whole time we were hanging out my vagina was yelling at me like its a real live penis that wants to have sex with us what are you doing
If my eyeballs could make a sound to describe how they feel they would just say uhhhhhhhhggggggghhhhhh.
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Also, totally got laid in my yellow rubber boots and it was awesome.
I need all the beers. I want to be holding on to the grass so I don't fall off the earth drunk.
CUTE BOY IN THE OFFICE WALKED BY AS I WAS STARING IN HORROR AT HARRY POTTER THEMED SKELETON PORN
THEY'RE TEXTING LIKE MIDDLE AGED SOCCER MOMS WHAT DO I DO
You do realize he's just an extension of his penis, right?
We lost you in the bar so we waited outside for you...next thing you know you kick open the doors and yell "I'M ALIVE"
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