Kareoke will never be a sober sport
I think I might have accidentally had a threesome last night with two good friends. See, this is what happens when you leave me.
I forgot to tell you the best part. The folded up paper he wrote his number on opened up to be a picture of him when he was younger wearing a Columbia tshirt in front of NASA and in pen said his name and "space consultant."
we tried to steer you away from them but you just kept yelling 'i need dick' and going back. sorry.
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We had sex in front of Notre Dame Cathedral, but I lost my wallet. God giveth and God taketh away.
I've been practicing for you. Including stockpiling medical supplies for curing hangovers.
So I vaguely remember making out with you this morning, I think you were on a date?
I will no longer accept nudes from you because I met your boyfriend last night and he seems like a nice guy
So if her brother fucks my brother, can I just tell her that anal sex is in her genes?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You're 21st was epic. I woke up at 6 a.m. on the floating beer pong table in the pool with a beer still in hand. Didn't even spill any
In other news, I'm pretty sure my mom was encouraging me to have a threesome yesterday... I don't even want to start digging in that garden of horror and trauma.
drunk me cartwheeled over a turtle sandbox & slit my foot open on a cinder block. how do you explain that to a doctor?
Mom is so high she had to turn off the ceiling fan because it was going too fast and it freaked her out.
Probably should start having regular sex again too to lose this breakup weight. Good cardio.
Ok next time we are filming it. You bring the camera and I'll buy more socks
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