You should swallow it and be like the ticking crocodile. Only you play Still of the Night.
i just fucked the bartender on my cruise to get free alcohol. have things gone too far?
you did pass out in the elevator last night, so it could be motion sickness
I'm sitting in my room naked waiting for him. When he gets here im going to make him do 20 pushups and lick my clit for a hour
You motherfucker. I just had an MRI with a penny under my boob.
I just love it. It's warm and soft and the rest of the world is so mean. My bed would never be mean to me
You were crying in a drunken stupor for an hour because "the new daft punk album didn't blow your tits off"
Speeding home on my break at work because I forgot to grab my Percocets that I have because getting through work sober's too hard
Man i fell asleep on a random persons porch on the way home and woke up to the family banging on the windows trying to wake me up
It's okay. I think we're back on. I just went on a dog walk with him n blew him on a sidewalk
That isn't the worst part. It got a bazillion times more awkward when he read me a poem he wrote about his dead cat.
Woke up in a car, do you own a silver car parked a few miles form the house...hope so
honestly performing my own hysterectomy would hurt less than my cramps right now.
The fact that a spice girls song is stuck in my head is a great sign that my decisions aren't the right ones at the moment...
Alcohol. Making me feel good about myself since 2008
Randomize
