let's have our labels/stereotypes/careers for each kid by next week.
oh how i love working at summer camp.
drinking steel reserve before noon and watching the price is right... 211... bet i pass out before then.
So I got a little fucked up on the punch, and made out with the family friend. Which is apparently morally reprehensible. I don't get that.
Im so hungover that my 6 year old cousine made me aspirine and coffee out of playdoh...
Her tits were the only thing that upgraded her from "no way in fuck" to "drunken mistake"
Well look at it this way, if he should happen to get into a terrible accident within the next 2 days, its okay.. i have his dental records on my ass cheek.
do you actually have a paper bowl full of broken glass and ecstasy or was that just a dream?
I think there's a website warning girls about me based on the 4 who approached me separately tonight and called me evil. Fuckyoudave.com?
Is it bad to have a craving for speed? I feel like my nose is thirsty.
Just had a guy try to pull the maraca out of my shirt with his teeth... Wtf
His brother just asked him in all seriousness if it would be cool if they became eskimo brother brothers.
Woke up this morning with Nerf Bullets stuck to everything in my house and nut in my belly button. What exactly happened last night?
So I'm hiding in my bathroom smoking bowls because my landlords kids came over to visit my dog... My life has reached a new low
I'm so festive that I used my jack o lantern bucket as a just in case barf bin
THERE ARE LEGITLY 4 SEPARATE BITE MARKS ON MY DICK. WHAT. THE. FUCK.
Legitimately*
Go fuck yourself
Randomize
