And then I said "flip over. I want to show you something i learned in Afghanistan."
Fake titties should be able inflate and deflate like tires. So on Saturday you can put on your Double D hooker titties or Sunday put on your size B church tits.
I just put on my hot pinky lace thong... you know what that means! ;)
Oh god. Slutty you is on the run. Someone needs to alert the city.
how was your night?
well, i just purchased 'sorry for being a drunk whore' cupcakes. how do you think my night was?
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She's sitting on the couch buck naked, eating a cupcake for dinner. I'm breaking new ground as a parent here.
My parents foreign exchange student just walked in on me whacking off. Welcome to America :)
im downtown. alone. lost. drunk. dressed as santa. dont find me. i just heard someone say mechanical bull.
Just pooped at the strip club. NOT NORMAL . I may be a little too comfortable here.
1. They have gold fish races every wednesday. 2. They have a redbull vodka slushie. We need to visit this place.
1. My fish will beat your fish. 2. Were getting fucked up
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I have a huge gash on my chin. Did I get it from A) a mini siezure; B) an oral sex incident; C) Slamming it into a ledge or; D) all of the above?
The ONLY place I sext is in my anatomy class. It's an amped up level of playing doctor.
I hate drunk me more than anyone else in this world
I used the line "you don't have enough pillows". Then left. Thought you should know.
I might need to come puke in your toliet on the way home
Just passed a girl holding a jar filled with what appeared to be diarrhea
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