i spent my evening searching "the sims having sex" on youtube
we're no longer friends
I would do things to you that would get us burned at the stake if we lived in a puritan village.
the next time i see a chick with leggings under her jean skirt...i'm gona beat her ass with a fashion magazine...
I guess the cop knew i was on a walk of shame and felt bad...i got to play with the siren the rest of the way home
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you were passed out in your cheese fries by the time he brought out your second order of french toast.
I swear, if he gets me a bowling ball for Christmas, I will throw it at him.
Nobody knew what to do when it was dead. You said fire up the George Foreman, I've never ate baby shark. She hasn't stopped crying.
saying that you may be able to suck the gay out of me was just my way of getting a blowjob...thank you for the valiant effort.
I gained confidence after I found out she was a lesbian. At least that way I could flirt with her and convince her to buy me taco bell after the bar
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She seriously pointed at the couch and asked me if she could "ride the talking giraffe". I'll never serve everclear again.
fat people need to stop using the handicapped bathroom stall so I can have sex in it. it's common logic
A homeless man just asked me if I had seen any "nekkid chicks with heineken bottles run by"
Berkeley was the right choice
About to go get a free burrito for kissing a bald man in public
so getting blacked out last night has made my lips so beautifully red for pictures today... and they say nothing good comes from alcohol
OF COURSE I NEED TO KNOW I MUST KNOW EVERYTHING
YOU ARE NOT OMNIPOTENT AND YOU HAVE TO DEAL WITH THAT
I AM OMNIPOTENT AND YOU HAVE TO DEAL WITH THAT
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